Life as you know it

Ten years ago today it was my birthday, and I was pregnant with my son zach , I was on bed rest at OSF St. Francis Hospital in Peoria. I have to say that birthday was probably the worst birthday ever, or so I thought. I remember that I had lots of visitors on that day I also cried lots of tears. I was scared, I was tired and I was sick of the roomate that I had to endure for hours after annoying hour. Come to find out that roomate and I became pretty good friends. She got moved to a privte room and it was on my birthday that I got blessed with a new roomate... who was ten times more annoying. God was watching out for me and blessed me with the private room that I had been on a waiting list for, on my birthday. I had severe toxemia with my son which resulted in a life flight trip to the hospital. My first unselfish decision as a new mother came as me choosing to leave my son inside of me instead of opting to have a c section 7 weeks early and sending my son alone onto St. Francis. To me it really wasn't a choice, my son needed to stay protected. I think back to that hospital visit every time this year. The fear, the anxiety, The patience I needed to have, which does not come easy to me. I believe all of these things prepared me for being the mother that I am. My son was born 5 1/2 weeks early, he stayed 10 days in the nicu. For anyone who has left the hospital without their newborn baby in hand knows how difficult it is. Not being able to hold your baby or tend to their every need and not being able to be their every minute is heart wrenching. In all reality these are alot of the same things parents endure as children grow. Not being able to be their every step of the way, or not being able to tend to their needs always. It was a difficult time and scary. I feel now it taught me alot. The minute my son was born I knew that all I had endured was for him. I chose to have him and I would give my life for him. The girl I was originally roomates with and I kept in touch her baby had significant health problems and was born at 2 pounds, One letter I recieved from her stated that after she had had her daughter they found out she had a tumor in her stomach and she had undergone chemo therapy. I was shocked we as high risk bed ridden pregnant women, had undergone daily ultrasounds how could they have not seen a tumor? I lost contact with her for a little over a year, I decided to give her a call one day

Her husband answered the phone and informed me that she had passed the previous month. I was so sick and so sad for the little girl that would never know her mom. I felt like the luckiest person in the world to be able to still be here to be with my son to protect and guide him. All that I had went through was so worth it to have the chance to know him. When you have a child your life changes it does not change in a bad way it changes in a very good way, you become a MOTHER.