Sunday, May 22, 2011
Who am I ?
I have been kind of struggling with who I am lately and who I am destined to become. For the last ten years I have been mom. Before that I was a human service caseworker and then a preschool teacher while being a mom. And before that I was just me. I found that I used to be fun loving and carefree. I do not miss those days because I love my family and the responsibility it has with it. I have got to tell you though at times it is very difficult. I am a stay at home mom which I would not trade for the world I love being with my kiddos and knowing that they are taken care of the way that I want them to be taken care of. In the process of being a wife and a mother I feel like somewhere along the line I have lost who I am. I want to try and find my way back. I am going to try and do some things to help me with that like focusing on me a little bit. I want to try to do some things I really enjoy... Like making things I have even set up a etsy shop to sell some of my things. I know that moms all feel like this. I know that finding who you are when you has kind of been on hold for awhile is difficult sometimes. So I leave you with this, I will try my best to not feel guilty for not giving myself some me time. We will see how it goes.
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You're doing great, Mama! Being a mother is a total sacrifice, from conception onwards. The elements within our body construct our child's body and nourish it, labor is the strongest pain the human body can withstand and not drop dead, then after birth, if we are able, we feed our children at our breast.
ReplyDeleteThen the next several years see us through extreme sleep-deprivation while we are on-call 24/7 and required to have the patience of several saints as we deal with infanthood, toddlerhood, and early childhood. Then just when we think we'll get a breather - the teen years and raging hormones show up, sometimes while we ourselves have the raging hormones of menopause.
And we do all this without a single paycheck, and no 401k :)
And if we lose our grip sometimes, no one is harder on us for slipping up than we ourselves.
So if we now and then want to kick up our heels a little with some harmless fun, as long as the kids aren't neglected, then I say we more than deserve it!
I haven't been to any spa for Mother's Day - and my birthday seldom gets celebrated (my husband comes from Japan - just not his culture) I did get lucky this year and am now the proud owner of two hotplate holders that my 3yr old twins made in nursery school for me, and a couple of strings of beads - my favorite jewelry now - and when my husband takes over to watch the kids after work or on weekends - 95% of the time I go out to grocery shop or do other errands that are too troublesome with twin toddlers.
But even with as many mistakes as I'm sure I'm making with my kids, I know they'll grow up understanding that I was there for them and loved them as best as I could - which is much better than the indifferent nannies I see with other kids at the park (who we couldn't afford anyway), or the daycare like the one that left a friend's infant lying unattended in a crib, freezing from the airconditioner and no blankets while they did who knows what.
So yes, YOU ARE DOING GREAT!!!! Don't forget that!
And while your former unencumbered self may be hibernating (and probably appreciating the sleep :) ) you are the embodiment of the noblest and most sacred calling there can be: Mother.
-May your life be doubly blessed!
Lara
www.twiceblessedlife.com